Adoption, Anger and Insecurity

As the father of two adopted children, I came across this quote and found it to be both striking and all too relate-able.

“I do not think it is a novelty that when children feel insecure they often act out in anger, frustration, or fear. Find a home in which there is a tangible sense of insecurity due to chaos, violence or trauma and you will likely find amidst the rubble a troubled and angry child.” – Aaron White, When Shadows Fall – page 64

There is a misconception out there that all adopted children should feel grateful for the rescue they received.  (Unfortunately I too often have this misconception even though I should know better)  Yet, many children don’t see it as a rescue but as a kidnapping away from all they once knew as normal.  The result is insecurity, a horrible questioning of who you are and where you belong.  Yet, how does a small child express this?  How can one so young grapple with such huge concepts and emotions.  Anger.  There’s much anger and frustration.  There’s not an easy solution or explanation which often times leads to more frustration.   Even as you try to give as much reassurance and love as you possibly can, that doubt is hard to erase.  Sometimes you are left only with the Biblical admonition to weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15).

I write this merely as observation and something that may help you better understand adoptive families and children.


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